Friday, October 1, 2010

Off to bluer oceans...

So we have some sad news to report - two of our fish, Coco and Mr. Plecopostamus, have passed on and are now swimming in the big ocean in the sky.

We're not sure what took them down, but Jack is still faring well. One might say he's thriving. I haven't completely ruled him out as a suspect, but I have no proof of any wrongdoing on his part.

Even in the midst of this tragedy, we still can find some humor. Case in point:

A couple of days after Coco went belly up (not literally - he just sort of sank), we noticed Pleco wasn't looking so hot. Knowing that the inevitable was upon us, but not wanting to prolong the likely suffering of our finned friend, we came to the realization that we needed to put Pleco out of his misery. But how?

He was too big to flush down the toilet.

I wasn't going to put him in the garbage disposal. That seemed cruel. Besides, have you ever put a relatively large fish in the garbage disposal? It's not fun for anyone.

Then we remembered that a friend of ours had once told us how to humanely euthanize a fish. So, we grabbed a large bowl from the cabinet, filled it with mixture of 1 part water to 1 part vodka, and added one ailing Pleco, who soon drank himself into a peaceful, fishy forever sleep.

Then we had to figure out what to do with a dead Plecopostamus.

He was too big to flush down the toilet.

I wasn't going to put him in the garbage disposal. He'd get stuck, then someone would have to reach in there and pull out what was left. I was not doing that again.

We could put him in a baggie in the freezer until trash day, but we both knew we'd forget he was there and months later come across a frozen fish while looking for pork chops. I was not doing that again.

We decided to throw Mr. Plecopostamus into the field behind our house. And by "we" I mean Frank, who is the only person in our house who doesn't throw like a girl.

Mr. Awesome carried Pleco's lifeless, alcohol-leaden body onto the deck and flung him hard and fast into the field.

Pleco soared off the deck...

He sailed over the deck railing...

He practically flew across the yard...

Just as he was about to clear the fence and make his final stop in the field...

Our neighbor's tabby cat, Leo, who was walking nonchalantly along the fence, minding his own kitty business, stepped headlong into the path of a flying Pleco.

*THWACK*

Leo got smacked, right in the side of his kitty face, with a dead, vodka-soaked fish.

I don't know if it was the best day, or the worst day, of his kitty life.

Leo has been seen since patrolling the same stretch of fence, so it must not have been that traumatic. Maybe he hopes vodka-soaked lightening will strike twice in the same place.