Wednesday, March 1, 2006

AI - Precociousness and Poor Song Choices

It’s Tuesday and you know what that means? It means I have to find something to watch instead of House. I can’t stand family sitcoms, so it looks like it is American Idol time.

Catherine and Mandisa get the bookend spots, which means the producers must see these two as the most popular. At least, that’s my theory. Paula is wearing one of the costumes from the Disney on Ice production of Pocahontas.

Catherine McPheesome Stevie Wonder song that I have already forgot
She looks a little preggers in her floppy shirt. What a boring-ass song. Catherine’s voice sounds strained tonight. I predict Randy will use the word “pitchy” and I am… wrong! I’m not impressed with Catherine’s performance tonight, but she’s still one of the better contestants. Paula calls her a star!

Kinnik Skysome country bar song
Talk about thinking outside the box. There is something a little weird about a black girl singing hillbilly redneck country. Simon is right when he calls her performance theme-park like.

Lisa Tuckersome soulful hurt woman song
She’s the little girl who sings big girl songs. So far, Lisa’s is the best performance of the night. You go, girl. The judges (except for Paula, but she doesn’t count anyway) were harder on her than I would have expected. Paula calls her a star!

Melissa McGheeFinally a song I’ve heard before! Reba’s “Why Haven’t I Heard from You”
I like the smoky thing Melissa’s voice has going on. She looks more like Sheryl Crow tonight, and that’s cool too. She’s still looks a little like she’s been toking up backstage. Melissa now holds the distinction of best performance of the night. Simon is hard on her, saying no one would remember the song. I think he’s wrong. Simon is right when he calls Paula a “precocious child” and she gets all pissy and trades seats with Randy.

Heather CoxMariah Carey’s formidable “Hero”
Welcome to your local high school talent show. Heather is still sexy as hell, but tonight she looked more like the pageant contestant from Wichita singing in the Miss Kansas talent portion. This was another bad choice of song, and another forgettable performance.

Brenna GethersDonna Summer’s “Last Dance”
She looks good tonight. She should have started out with more of the slow and sultry part of the song that makes the rest even better. But instead she opted for some verse that I don’t know. There was so much potential in this song choice. What a huge disappointment the performance turned out to be. Brenna is her usual modest self as she sings her own praises better than she sang her song. Simon tells her that this was her “Last Chance” – HA! You go, boy.

Paris BennettWTF? Beaches?!
So she’s got a voice, and a spunky personality. Neither of those things showed up tonight. Good god, Paris. Who have you been listening to when it comes to picking your song? You just told us to “rock with you” in your intro, and then you deliver mutherfucking Beaches?? Do better next week, girlfriend.

Ayla Brownsome gaggy Celine song
I hate Celine. I don’t particularly like Ayla, either, so it’s all working out. Ayla’s vocals started out surprisingly well, but lucky for me it was all downhill from there. First of all, this song is stupid. The ending was an exercise in the awesomely bad as she goes from powerhouse to soft and gentle in a move that didn’t do it for me. Paula and Randy voice-fuck her and tell her how pleasantly surprised they were with her performance. I think they are afraid she will kick their ass. Simon is absolutely right when he says she is technically good, but mechanical and may put some people off. Like me. I’m some people.

Kellie PicklerTalkin’ bout Bonnie Raitt
I like the innocent aura of this girl, and then she comes out and give us a little greasy and raw (I said a little) version of this song. Very cute. Some of the high notes were a bit forced, but overall, she’s just too cute to not like.

Mandisasome Faith Hill song
So here is another instance of a soulful black woman singing redneck country. But this time it works and doesn’t come off as creepy. She turns this country hit into a crossover gospel recording waiting to happen. Sure, she didn’t look as hot as she did last week in the Lane Bryant lingerie, but she’s got the voice. A stylist can help her with the rest.

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