Last night, the Seacrest was attempting to imitate Joaquin Phoenix at Johnny Cash, the Man in Black. You know how black is slimming? The Seacrest was practically invisible.
Before we got on to the real business of the night – Schandenfreude – we were treated to a performance by Bo Bice, who the Seacrest affectionately called “Big Papa,’ since Bo is a new father. A redneck friend of mine has a truck he calls Big Papa. I don’t know how they correlate, but I’m sure they do. The viewing audience didn’t get a chance to vote or not vote for Bo this time around, which is good, because I thought his performance was unbearably bad. I like Bo, and maybe it was the song, but I had to fast-forward through the last half The Bo Show. Times like these make me wish the judges would comment on these guest performers. Simon would have some well chosen words, I am sure.
Who was the girl with the lowest number of votes? Kinnik. We all saw that one coming from Tuesday’s show. I’m sorry to see her go; she seems like a nice girl.
Now it’s time for a guy to hit the road. The biggest loser on the guy side is… Will. Way to go, America – he looks like Peter Brady and sings like, well, like Peter Brady. Look for Will this summer at a theme park near you.
It’s the moment of truth of the ladies. There are 12 seats, and 14 contestants left. Paris was the first to get a coveted seat. Katherine is next, followed by everyone except Melissa and Ayla. Holy shit, America – Ayla is going home. Thank you. Thank you! Did I say thank you yet? Oh lord, she’s crying and I am starting to feel sorry for her. She is actually coming across as human, and I realize that if she had cried during the last couple of weeks, she might still be in the competition. At any rate, Ayla is gone, and as much sympathy as I may be able to muster for her, it is quickly crushed by the weight of my body doing a happy dance.
We move to the gents again. Taylor is the first guy to get a spot in the top 12, followed by Ace, who is still wearing the retarded beanie. The big surprise is that Kevin is next. Chicken Little Kevin. Apparently, the people at www.votefortheworst.com are having an impact. The last two guys are Bucky and Gedeon, and Gedeon is going home. I’ll miss that weird little man.